Terrifically Terrified!

My heart is racing.

Time is flying by, and I am terrified I will not be able to keep up!

This post is a bit of a release, and very personal. Slightly more personal than I have ever shared with you all before, so I will try to give you a bit of background.

In April of this year (2014), it was announced that the international company I work for was going to close down the plant I have worked at for the past 4.5 years. This has meant large-scale redundancies for over 200 people, lots of tears and tough times. 6 months later, I still don’t have a job to go to, and it looks like our time may be up here a lot sooner than first anticipated.

Juggernaut2.PNGI have worked in office environments since I got my first full-time job back when I was 17 years old. University wasn’t for me, the idea of getting into debt when I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted to do, or who I wanted to be just seemed like a bad move. But now I am left in a conundrum… I have heaps of experience in multiple fields and the kind of fierce determination to succeed that builds momentum so quickly it would put the X-Men’s Juggernaut to shame (geek reference). However, I don’t have a degree!

A job spec catches my eye, so I do a bit of research and go on to fully invest my heart and soul into getting this role!
Gosh Gabe, you could nail this. You could go on to study this field a bit more and make it your own. Make a difference even!”
But wait… To apply you MUST have a degree, otherwise they do not wish to see the application.

How many of you knew exactly what you wanted to do with your lives at 18?
If you knew, do you still practise in that industry / field now?

Losing my job could be a pivotal moment in my life.  “Time to make decisions Gabe! Who do you want to be? Where do you see yourself?”
These are the continuous questions I am asking myself daily, along with the tiny panic attacks and raging headaches that appear due to the copious amounts of preparation I need to make in order to move on.
It is quite cruel how my mind is working against me and painting my fear to me in my dreams as well! I dream about arriving to work to find everyone else has moved on and the site has already closed down making me the only one left without a place to go!
But with the terror of the unknown comes a pure unadulterated wave of tingles at the possibilities that lie within it. I love it, I hate it!

❤ Where do I go from here?

❤ What do I excel at?

❤ Where will I be a great asset?

❤ Where can I make a difference?

I sound rather lost don’t I? Almost coming across as totally hopeless! I mean it to, I am really letting go of my internal dialogue so you can relate or at the very least understand where I am.

But do you know what? Something has occurred to me this week. A sudden realisation! Eureka! Boom! WOW!

My life has changed in so many unbelievable ways in the past 6 months, but it happened so gradually I didn’t even notice until I stood back and took a deep breath.
This is what I mean about my momentum, I set a goal and I am relentless in achieving it, so much so that I sometimes forget to take a step back and see what I have managed!
When something needs to happen, I make it happen. I research, study and network until I get the results I need. The results I needed after hearing about the company closure was to seek what makes me happiest and build my own business out of it. This way I could keep myself motivated, to ensure I still felt needed somewhere in this world, even if it was no longer being needed in Order Management, I still had a place I created for myself.

I have gone from illustrating as a hobby, with nobody but my family aware of what I can do, to having a diverse following through my multiple social media platforms from around the world! I have connected with a wealth of fellow creators / crafters, built valuable new friendships and strengthened old bonds. I have been blessed with the opportunity to bring joy to many of my customers through creating something 100% original for them to cherish for the rest of their days on this planet. I may not be as successful as world-famous artists such as Glenn Arthur, Karen Hallion and James Hance (to name just 3 of my personal favourites), but I am treading the early stages of a path they once encountered. I just need to keep moving to see what life brings me!

So my fear of being left behind with nowhere to go, is all rubbish. I am letting that thought go right this second! Look, there it goes! *Woooosh*

Phew… that is a relief to let that thought go!

The future is never determined. Each moment, decision and step we make can alter our course. I have no idea what job I will be doing this time next year.

❤ I could be self-employed building on my creative side full-time! As an Illustrator, Makeup Artist, Web Designer and/ or even a Photographer!

❤ I could be coordinating and running my own events, bringing people together and creating unique experiences!

❤ I could be in another full-time office based job, using my marketing experience and extensive project / administration background to assist someone elses business!

I don’t know where I will be, the possibilities are endless! All I know is that I need to continue working towards goals, to be somewhere I can learn and openly thrive, to create and flourish amongst motivated people, to make a difference and to build relationships with new interesting souls!

My CV may not have degree written under the education header, but so what? I know I will succeed. The simple fact I know this is the very reason I will. The same goes for anyone else out there who may relate to this. It is all about the mindset!

Where do I go from here?

Continue applying for jobs, put myself out there, network, get noticed! Try not to take the rejections to heart and just see them for what they are. Each rejection is a step closer to something better!

There is a place for me out there, I must persevere and never give up!
And of course, if any of you reading this might know of any jobs going that would suit me, please send them my way! ❤

So heres to the future, being terrfically terrified facing the unknown!


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